S13E04: Parenting neurodiverse kids with Elaine Taylor-Klaus (Co-founder, Impact Parents)

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
I was just transparently sharing this with one of my coaching groups yesterday, a group of parents of young adults.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
I asked a question in a way that was not very empowering. and and I saw her face. And I went back to her and I said, hang on. Let me ask that differently. That wasn't very helpful. Was it? And I reframed it. And so I think it's not about you know, I wanted I wanna sneak it in. It's about catching myself. when I am human. And being transparent enough to redirect it and and try again to do a do over.

Richard Medcalf
Welcome to the Impact Multiplier CEO podcast. I'm Richard Medcalfe, founder of X Quadrant. And my mission is to help the world's top CEOs and entrepreneurs shift from incremental to exponential progress and create a huge positive impact on our world. Now that requires you to reinvent yourself and transform your business. So if you're ready to play a bigger game than ever before, I invite you to join us and become an impact multiplier, CEO.

Richard Medcalf
Hi, Elaine, and welcome to the show. Thank you, Richard. It's great to be here. Hey. I'm Sofia here. We've been friends for a couple of years now. We've had many deep experiences with each other over the years in different communities we've been part of. And I I really respect and admire what you're doing. So it's it's an honor for me to have you here. What I know about you is that you're the cofounder of Impact parents which is the 1st global coaching organization for parenting neurodiverse kids. You've also created the award winning insanity school. You you've written books. you know, you're all over the place. You've got, you know, global organization, and you're on a mission. Love that about you. So what I would explore I explore that today. But perhaps we can just jump straight in, why did you decide to sound impact parents? It sounds quite very nature that it's something very personal. to you in that. It's got the word parents in. I know you're a parent. So the what tell you about the origin story. What got you on this whole journey of building out this organization?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Again, thank you for for having me. I'm I'm excited to have this conversation. I got I I'm an accidental entrepreneur, I think. I I got here because I was a mom. And at that point, actually, for a small period of time, I was a stay at home mom, with 3 young kids under the age of ten. And I was home because my kids were really hard. They were really complicated. And all of them had been kind of 1 by 1 by 1 like Domino's diagnosed with varying areas of neuro diversions and neurodiversity and ADHD and learning disabilities and anxiety and in hindsight now, autism. I mean, a lot of different issues going on that we didn't know at the time when I was a young mother. And I was struggling to keep my head above water. I was struggling to navigate it all. And at some point, I was actually on my way back to graduate school to get a PhD to try to figure this stuff out and help myself and help other parents because there was a lot of resources out there for kids. and there was just nothing available for me as a parent other than, well, you can go to therapy. Well, I didn't really need therapy. I needed, like, a Sherpa. You know, I needed I needed help figuring out how to navigate it. And along the journey, I went and had myself evaluated because as if they all my kids had been diagnosed with something, and I, at some point, looked at my husband and said he can't be responsible for all of this neurology. I gotta I gotta check myself out a little bit. And I was diagnosed in my early forties with learning and attention issues. And it was really eye opening. Like, the whole world started to make sense? Why I had made the decision I had made? Why had majored him? What I majored him? And so I was kind of termine to do something to support parents. And when I discovered coaching, my intention is to say had been to go the therapeutic route. And when I discovered coaching, I called my husband that afternoon in tears, and I said I found it. This is it. I have found what I've been looking for. because I had been doing everything the experts have been telling me to do, and it wasn't working. And and coaching was a different way of being with these complex kids that was working. Yeah. It is fascinating.

Richard Medcalf
Actually, it's saying that. It reminds me of my own experience because what you're saying is you were looking for support, looking for solutions, and there's a certain medical there's some, you know, medical things that come your way. It's not always right when you it's not messy a medical, not trying to cure somebody in a way or, you know, it's not trying to administer drugs that's not the problems you've got necessarily. In my own life, you you know, my sister was was severely disabled. And I think the parents are often a weak link in the chain. They're, like, well, they're not supportive. They don't receive they don't receive support. They, you know, yeah, there's a medical support for the person, perhaps concerned, if that's required, but supporting all sorts of ways, whether it's literally just getting a break sometimes from very challenging family situations, all of it is just knowing how to manage those stresses and the pressure and the responsibilities. It's a huge thing, actually. And my my parents yeah. My mother died relatively young. and a lot of money was donated because of the impact that she'd had in her life. And in accordance with their wishes, it was set up. It was a foundation was set up. to support parents just to provide them with some respite care, you know, so just that they can have a weekend off now and again. because we're relentless.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
When we talk about the impact of all of these complex issues we're talking about and and and anything from what you spirits, which was a more profound disability too. Often, what I'm working with, there's neurodiversity and neurodivergence. You know? there's this range. And I don't mean to minimize anybody in that range, but but there are a lot of different ways that these issues impact our families. And across that range, what's often missed is the impact that it has on the parents and the siblings. Right? This has an impact on the family dynamic that is missed and ignored and not addressed and not supported. and if you if you don't deal with those relationships and those core issues you actually miss so much opportunity to shift the dynamic in the home and therefore shift the outcomes for the for the people we're talking about.

Richard Medcalf
So how did you move from parent looking at all these areas, getting into coaching, into actually becoming the CEO of a an organization.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
I don't exactly know. But I think I think 2 things. Partly, I'm I'm a person with vision. I've always had a vision. I been kind of a serial nonprofit entrepreneur, and I had worked for a National Healthcare Organization on a national level. So I had a vision on a on a bigger scale. I met a business partner who also had worked for a National Healthcare Organization. So both of us came into this understanding what it looked like to to to work in the health care field nationally, not just locally. And so that have finding someone who was a good compliment to me. I'm a CEO. She's the COO. She's operations. You know, like, we're a good fit.

Richard Medcalf
Oh, you got somebody we can deal with all that stuff. I was thinking, Elaine, I'll be doing it all to yourself. This is not what a needle sweet spotters.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
No. It's it's great it's been a beautiful partner We've been together for about, I think, about 12 years now. And so finding somebody that complimented me who was who wanted to lean into my vision. and work with me to help manifest this was a really powerful shift for me. So I had that idea. And I guess What I knew I had, at some point, early in my transition, my shift, my transformation, what I call my Scarlet O'Hara moment, which was you know, as god as my witness, no parent should ever have to go through what I went through those 1st 10 years. And so I was determined to to bring this very simple modality, but very profoundly impactful modality to parents. because I knew that that there were all these parents out there like me who were searching for something that would work when when everything The experts were telling us to do wasn't working. And it had to do with a shift in being, a shift in mindset, a shift in in philosophy. that really had a a quick and powerful impact. So I was kinda determined. I always knew I wanted to change the world. So that's part of it. That that started as a teenager that I just never knew how that is gonna happen, but I knew I would. Well, that was it. Because I was wondering, you know, you could have just said I'm gonna set up as a coach. You wanna coach a few parents. You've doing all that now. I've always been like, from from my teenage years, I always knew that I was supposed to do something. like that there was some impact that I would have in the world. And I and I spent probably 20 years frustratingly looking for it, and I worked in Family Planning, and I worked in these different arenas. But when I landed here, it was it was like I come home like, oh, this is this is it. I didn't set out to be, you know, a neurodiversity parenting expert. I just evolved into it.

Richard Medcalf
So how would you characterize the impact that you're having through this organization? You know, you're your business right now. You know, how you how many people are you serving? What's the you know, what what excites you about that? you know, have a habitual team. Just kinda give us a sense of of what's -- Well, we have our team is all over the place. Our team is almost all parents, and we have coaches.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
We have administrative team, and we're all in different cities, countries. Most everybody is is managing a family, raising a family. and also working here. And so we are a very family first organization. We call ourselves a private sector business for the public good. We knew from early on that it I I had spent enough years of nonprofits. I didn't wanna spend my time raising money. So we're self sustaining organization, little Peter little Robin Hoodish, we tend to take a lot of our fee based services and use them to pay for all the free services that we offer. And we literally it boggles my mind to say it, but we support parents in hundreds of countries. We've got clients on all six continents. other than Antarctica. We haven't gotten there yet. But one day, I figured there'll be be some researcher with a kid back home. I'm playing through now. Come on. But there's penguins on board. Come on. There's gotta be somebody. But we we have, you know, in our community with hundreds of thousands of parents that have been impacted by learning these coaching skills. The secret to what we do is we actually teach coaching skills to parents and then coach them in implementing. And and as I say, it's just a different way of being. Teaching a parent to be in a more collaborative problem solving place with their kids instead of that old style directive mode. shifting out of you need to do what I say into how do I support you as a kid? How do I understand you as a kid well enough to help you understand yourself well enough to learn to manage yourself. because as you said earlier, we're dealing with chronic medical conditions for the most part. We're dealing with people who need to learn how to be in their bodies or in their brains throughout their lives. We wanna set them up for success as adults. We want them to become independent. And so to do that takes a little bit a little tweak of approach that really has a long term benefit.

Richard Medcalf
Yeah. That's great. So amazing. Right? How this initial small family -- Yeah. -- situation has leveled out. impact these hundreds of thousands of of families. How would you wanna multiply your impact from here? Like, what's next? You know, if we're having this conversation in In 3 years, what would you love to have you know, what more would you love to have have seen happen? I had a great question.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
You know, I think with with proper funding, it could we could expand. I mean, we are reaching hundreds of thousands of parents now. There are millions of families. that that could be impacted. And that's just on the parent level. The other place that I see us moving and we've begun to do a lot more work is is neurodiversity education in professional arena because there's this need to understand I think that that people with their diversity have these extraordinary skills and capacity and they're untapped resources in the business world. let's say there's there's a lot of opportunity there. I I I have a vision. I don't know if it's the impact institute or what it will be, but to to continue to expand the footprint, to be able to to bring this conversation about playing to the strengths of neurodiversity, but also understanding the challenges of it in in every arena. -- and and using kind of coaching modality to empower and foster agency and independence because that's ultimately what it's about is is fostering a sense of agents.

Richard Medcalf
Yeah. So I'm having a few things there. I think there's it sounds like there is an opportunity to scale what you're currently doing. It sounds like there are some expansion opportunities, you know, education, different client base, perhaps corporate client base. I hope you're enjoying this conversation. This is just a quick interlude to remind you that my book making time for strategy is now available.

Richard Medcalf
If you wanna be less busy and more successful, I highly recommend that you check it out. Why not head over to making time for strategy .com to find out the details. Now back to the conversation.

Richard Medcalf
What comes to my mind is I'm just curious what you think. Often when I'm working with clients, I see that they get to a stage where they have an opportunity to decouple their impact from that of their business. I'm not saying Uniti there yet, or you might want to go there, but I'm curious. So what that means is you might not want to 10 x your business to have 10 x the impact. But you could actually intervene at a different level, play on some different stages, you know, change, you know, change policy, change the global mindset, create new conversations, you know, in some businesses, like, create a global standard in something. You know? And I'm just kind of wondering, how that those ideas land or whether you think there's something there for you that's not necessarily scaling the organization, or, conversely, do you think actually the focus for the next few years really does need to be on on you helping the helping your current business graspy goes?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
It's a really interesting question because we we we designed this company to be scalable from the beginning. and that was always part of the vision. And and at some point, an adviser said to me a few years back, you think -- I hope you're enjoying this conversation.

Richard Medcalf
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Elaine Taylor-Klaus
It's an incredible period and a deep coaching experience. that would push you to new heights. bring this up because I am No matter how successful you've already been. looked from a policy perspective. The second is impact accelerate a coaching program for executives who are ready to make a big leap forward -- Initiatives. -- in their own leadership. the profession. It's wriggly described as life changing. And and no other program provides personal strategic clarity, a measurable shift in stakeholder perceptions. and a world class leadership development environment. And change the medical I'll find out about both of these programs at xquadrant.com/service us. And I think after the conversation -- -- to shift my own personal practice so that now that the company is able to expand and grow and and and is doing that quite well and naturally, I have an opportunity to look at expansion from a different lens to broaden who I'm coaching, for example, or the conversations that I'm having as an as an executive, to be able to move into those different arenas. So I'm working on a national consortium that has been convened on ADHD, and I was invited to pate. So there is this other layer that's also happening at the same time. which keeps it interesting. But I think it's all about knowing that when you're on a mission, it's like It's like you're in the center of a wheel, and you have to expand it in all directions. If if we were only doing coaching or only doing training or only it wouldn't work. But but we're working with parents. We're working school systems. We're working with parents and teachers in school systems. We're working in law firms. We're working in you know, as we begin to expand how it has that financial impact, and we're we're changing the medical model.

Richard Medcalf
And at this point in the life of of your business, What's the greatest contribution that you add? You know, where's your genius that is? Because I'm sure you dig all sorts of things as part of that. We're talking scaling. So I really wondered if you have to really get to the heart of, like, at this stage. I'm sure earlier on, there's all sorts of things. But at this point, what's the magic that you need to be adding in?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
It's a great question. Here's what comes to me. We we used to call ourselves a guerrilla marketing organization Right? So this we we do direct services, but we use the marketing framework to to get the message out. And I think what When things are rolling well, I allow it gives me the space to remove myself to keep looking forward. to keep looking outside to keep that expansion and probably my greatest contribution in addition you know, there's there's language and there's you know, creative development, and we we'd Diane and I to together develop all of our curricula. And so we do a lot of teaching. And probably my greatest contribution is to stay out of the fray of the operations and keep looking at picture, keep looking for the need. My my background, I've always in my life been able to see a need and fill a need. And so part of what we do as a company and what do I do as a CEO is continue to expand out and look for. So what's the next gap? Where do I see the gap in services or delivery? Where do I see a need? And so that we can move into that direction.

Richard Medcalf
Yeah. Yeah. That's what comes that's what came to mind, actually. When we get clear on these kind of unique value, I'm always then really interested. But what happens if we were to have a completely different level of those conversations? for example, or you apply that skill on a new plane. Right? So for example, someone says I'm really great at problem solving. It's like, well, yeah, but rather than problem solving these problems down here, let's what about solving these problems up here that you've never even thought about yet? Yeah. And so for me, beginning to do more work with CEOs and executives.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Now I'm not only supporting somebody who may be dealing with, you know, teenage issues or family issues, but that is gonna have a cascading impact on their companies. That's gonna change how they're seeing their work force and their teams and how they're cultivating their teams.

Richard Medcalf
So it's got this other cascading impact. And that's really what it's about is the cascade of the impact that we're really looking for. Yeah. And what I guess what's coming to my mind, actually, as you talk about working with those yeah, senior execs is at a systemic level. I'm wondering where you can intervene so that you don't have to try to pick off one company at a time because there's a lot of companies in the world. But where you can change the conversation Upstream apps or at a bigger level. It's a great conversation to have.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
I'd I'd I'd I'd like to have that further with you. It's a it I like the thought. I I have that tendency to kind of fall into the next and then look around and go, oh, look look where I am. How do I how do I maximize this? And so I think that's probably right where I am, which is How do I maximize the impact? When when I was very young, I did a leadership training fellowship in New York City called the Coro Fellas program. And one of the messages I took away from that was essentially what's your greatest and highest impact? was the best and highest use of your time. And I learned very early that while I enjoy direct service, it's not enough for me. that I really need to be part of that larger place of making change.

Richard Medcalf
So that make that speaks to me. Well, by the way, it's it's something that comes to mind. I was talking with a a a CEO, I don't know, earlier this week, perhaps last week. And we were talking about similar theme about how, you know, how was he gonna scale the impact he was making. He's an impact driven entrepreneur already very successful. he was actually a little bit little bit bored almost. Like, you know, I think, you know, he's like, I don't wanna skate anymore. If for scale anymore, it's gonna actually create more hassle and more you know, more management problems and whatever. So I really will spend with him time thinking about what would be extraordinary, you know, what would that absolutely light you up and get you out of bed in on the mission that you're already on. And, yeah, we came up with some interesting things which already were bubbling away actually at some level, which he hadn't really put his focus on. So for example, there's an opportunity to work with I think it was the New York Stock Exchange or and and the top so many con companies listed on that to make something happen. So not just, again, with one company, but to look at doing it across the whole thing. So I could imagine there might be something for you the same. Like, rallying into individual companies, go to the go to the stocking exchange. Right? Go to the the from grouping, right, industry forum, trade association, whatever it is. and and see if they you can create a new community at that level of people who are committed. Perhaps.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Right. But listen -- Well, And it and it's interest interesting because a lot of what this work is about is is about that connection between the personal and the professional. Right? What we who we are anywhere is who we are everywhere on some level. And we have this this tendency to try to segment them out to see ourselves as well. This is my family life, and this is my work life. And if COVID taught us anything, it's that we can't really make those separations as clearly as we think we can. And so I think as we focus on cultivating leadership, we improve parenting and we focus on improving parenting, we we improve we cultivate leadership. And so there is also an opportunity here to keep expanding this conversation about the personal and professional ways in which it's how we be in the world everywhere. not just anywhere. And so I don't know. Could be fun. I like I like the way we're thinking.

Richard Medcalf
We'll see where it goes. I know that, obviously, with with your coaching background, you know, you've probably applied that into your into your own organization well and the way that you are and the way that you show up and the way that you lead. And I know that you one of your mantras is, you know, ask and don't tell. And I think it'd be interesting to explore because it's a perennial dilemma for anyone in leadership, and especially when you get to be CEO, you kinda get away with telling people in some on some level, or at least it feels like you can. But on the other hand, if we all know as well that that's not very empowering approach and so forth. So there's a real but there's a real dynamic.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Doesn't engender a lot of buy in. No?

Richard Medcalf
Yeah. There's a lot of but there is a lot of pressure in, like, expediency, and I need to do things fast, but I know it kind of can create even the most you know, progressive leader, a sense of kinda just shall I just say what needs doing and we move we move on? So just kinda curious as to, you know, how what's your experience been of this? And because I know it's something you feel very passionately about. I do.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
So so we have an amazing team. As this way, we're all virtual. We have an extraordinary team. And I remember the shift that happened when I when I started instituting Monday team meetings. And they're not long and they're not complicated. We always start with celebrations, and so everybody's bringing their personal self into the space. But when when you treat people, when you slow down, you can speed up. When you treat people, when you see them as humans first, You the doing will happen, and they will want to do more and more and more if they feel seen and acknowledged and recognized and respect if they feel like they have a voice. And so I think what I've learned because, again, I wasn't very well schooled. in how do you be a CEO. The coaching approach has really taught me how to be a CEO. and it's about asking my team what do you think. And they respect the the at the end of the day, I or my business Burner and I are gonna make the final decision, but they feel heard and they feel like their voice is part of that decision and that they've been considered. And I think that's huge. And it doesn't take that long to say, what do you think? Whether you're saying it to a teenager or where team member, when they feel like you've heard them, they're gonna be much more likely to respect whatever decision you make. Yeah. That's it's simple. Right? What you say it like that? It sounds so simple. It's not always easy, but it is simple. It's not easy because we're trained to believe we're supposed to be in control. And and asking instead of telling is about sharing control and about giving other people a sense of their own agency and autonomy. And I think a lot of the issues we come into we battle with come down to do I need to do I need to be right? Here, do I need to be the one that takes the credit for it, or do I wanna keep things moving forward? I'm a really collaborative person. I left politics because I couldn't stand that us versus them mentality. So it's a very natural thing for me, and I get that a lot of people I work with and teach It's it it takes a little bit more to learn it, but the impact of it is pretty profound. When you bring other people along, you get on their you get buy in. You get loyalty. And, ultimately, you get people who feel empowered to to take action. And that's really what we want in any company.

Richard Medcalf
Yeah. Do you do you not do that sometimes? Right? Do you do you do you feel you know, do you have like, not live out that value of of asking and listening. Do you ever kind of feel tempted just to shortcut that process?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
I would say I it's not about being tempted to shortcut it because if I'm tempted to shortcut it, I have a strategy, a technique I can use to do it respectfully. I think what happens is I'm human, and sometimes I screw up or I forget or I get it wrong or I have a twenty six year old still living here about to move out this summer, and I asked a question. I was just I was just transparently sharing this with one of my coaching yesterday, a group of parents of young adults. I asked a question in a way that was not very empowering. And and I saw her face, and I went back to her and I said, hang on. Let me ask that differently. That wasn't very helpful. Was it? And I reframed it. And so I think it's not about You know, I wanted I wanna sneak it in. It's about catching myself when I am human. and being transparent enough to redirect it and try again to do a do over. Whether that's with my team or with my with my kids. One of my favorite things to say to my teams is wow. I screwed that one up. You know? Because I want them to know I get that they are human. And so when they make mistakes, they're not hesitant to come to me and say, I messed that up.

Richard Medcalf
Yeah. Yeah. It gives such a permission, doesn't it? It gives such permission. I realize it's myself in my own business that For years, I was trying to impress my client. And and I realized that, like, the more I try to impress them, the more they feel that they they had to try to impress me. There's not an authenticity there. And that's not where the magic happens. I mean, I I was doing it for good reasons, I wanted to add maximum value, but I didn't need to do that to add value.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Right. I had a supervisor who said to me once, in in when I was in coach training, she said try stop trying to make everything so significant. And it was it was Brilliant advice that has has stuck with me forever because I think sometimes we take ourselves so seriously. And it's when we let go of that and acknowledge our humanness that we are at our greatest effect. In fact. Yeah.

Richard Medcalf
Beautiful. Well, that might be a great place to wrap it up Elaine. I've, you know, really enjoyed this conversation of, you know, learning first of all about what got you on the journey and this accidental entrepreneurship as you described it. But with that real passion for impact, right, that has come through as you've scaled yourself in the business. Now you're looking at what next? Do we continue to scale the business? Do we have extra elements to it? What's next for you as the leader of that? You know, we've looked at yeah. Just even now this this skill of of of actually being aware enough of any jerk reaction so that when we are tempted to shortcut that's one of the things we know we should be doing as a leader.

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Do we just get a just catch ourselves. That one takes a little time. And it also helps to have good people around you and and coaches and people who will who will hold up the mirror when so that you can see yourself because it's not something we we do naturally, I think.

Richard Medcalf
Yeah. No. That's perfect. So if you wanna find out about you and and impact parents. You know, where do they go? What's the best way to do that?

Elaine Taylor-Klaus
Well so we have a ton of resources on our website that impact parents dotcom. We've got a blog that we've been running since 2011. We have a podcast for the last few years called parenting with Impact for parents who wanna Parents and professionals who really want information about this neurodiversity informed coaching approach. We have we can offer a gift to your community for leadership and and coaching at impactparents.com/multiplier. So if you're looking information, you wanna find out more about our community. You know, as we've spoken about I do a lot of public speaking, a lot of training, A lot of presentations. So if you're interested in having a conversation about bringing this to your community in any capacity, You can reach us at impactparents.com. They will get the information to me. If you've emailed the team at impact parents.

Richard Medcalf
Perfect. Well, Elaine, hey. It's been a pleasure talking with you. I'm looking forward to seeing what the future holds. I mean, I've just been throwing ideas that you might not have wanted at you today even, but I see there's so much potential in the world needs what you're doing. So thank you for doing it. Thank you for the ideas. I look forward to playing with them. Yeah. I really look forward to seeing how it all plays out in the next few years. Thanks again, Elaine.

Richard Medcalf
Well, that's a wrap. If you received value from this conversation, please do leave us a review. on your favorite podcast platform. Would deeply appreciate it. And if you'd like to check out the show notes from this episode, head to expodrant.com slash podcast, where you'll find all the details Now finally, when you're in top leadership, who supports and challenges you at a deep level to help you multiply your impact. Discover more about the different ways we can support you. atexquadrant.com.